Two Years Atonement
by GhostiesandGhoulies
Summary: Prequel to One Last Fight. A gutsy move on the Elrics' part actually works for them getting their bodies back, but at a steep price. Edward made sure that Truth would let Alphonse go with no strings attached. A deal is made and now Edward must pay the price of the choices he made in life. He suffers in silence until someone discovers what he hid. Now he must fight to live on.
1. The Transmutation

**Been really thinking about this for awhile and so I decided to just try it out. For the fans who enjoyed One Last Fight then this is for them. This is a sequel/prequel to that - so go read that first! Otherwise you'll be a bit lost. By a bit I mean quite a bit. Hope you enjoy this first bit - I plan on making this a multi-chapter story, so buckle up for the ride!**

**Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, not I.**

* * *

"Are you sure about this brother?"

Edward looked over at the suit of armor that was his brother and let out a sigh. Was he? He wasn't really sure. "Honestly Al... not really," he admitted quietly.

There was a creak as Alphonse shifted, red eyes gazing nervously at his elder brother, "What do you mean?"

Ed smiled weakly at the other, "The last time you asked me that question we were trying to bring back mom and look what happened then. I'm just... being honest with you this time is all." He looked back to the transmutation before them. It was quite the last ditch effort on his part but they had researched for years on how to get their bodies without a philosopher's stone and there was just no known way.

However, being faced with impossible odds never stopped the Elric brothers before and it wasn't going to stop them after so long. The method they had come up with wasn't too far fetched as far as a result went but Ed wasn't getting his hopes up, just in case. He had managed to get his hands on the bodies of two dead prisoners whose weight would be about equal to their own, he hoped that it would be enough. Mentally he had serious doubts about the plan but he was running out of strings to draw from.

With a deep breath he threw a small smile at his younger brother, "Ready Al?"

Upon the hesitant nod from the other he clapped and slammed his hands down onto the ground, immediately activating the transmutation circle.

White enveloped his vision and in the blink of an eye Edward found himself face to face with Truth itself.

It grinned at him, **Well hello Edward, I didn't think I'd see you again so soon!**

He grit his teeth together and glared, "I'm just here to get our bodies back, that's all. And I already gave you the toll!"

The white figure's smile turned sinister, **Now Edward, do you honestly expect me to take two bodies for your two living bodies?** It shook its head, **You must _still_ not know who you're dealing with. Tell you what, I'll let your brother go for the two bodies.** A pause as an evil smirk appeared, **But what will you give me to make sure I let him go?**

Edward's glare intensified. No matter what he did, this thing always played a game with him. A game he seemingly could not win. Though he was glad that Truth was letting Alphonse go, that had been his goal all along. But what was he to give? With a small moment of thinking he spoke, "Fine, keep my arm and leg, I'll manage without them."

Truth merely smirked at him mockingly, **Is that all I get Edward? I'm letting your brother go, I need a little _more_.**

Ed was utterly confused for a moment and then it somehow came to him what Truth wanted from him. He had already told himself he'd give up whatever he had to in order to get Al back in one piece however and was resolute in not leaving until he was sure Truth would let him go without any strings attached. "Fine," he said finally, "take it."

The pure white being grinned widely, **A pleasure doing business with you, Edward Elric.**

He only offered another hard glare before leaving the Gate and back to the real world.

Ed furrowed his eyebrows as he began gaining consciousness, only vaguely aware of the voices surrounding him. He let out a groan and pulled his hands to his aching head. He felt exhausted in all senses and he wanted nothing more than to curl up and fall back into unconsciousness and rest. Hearing his little brother's frantic calling to him stopped him and made him open his eyes. He blinked a few times as he realized the sheer amount of concerned faces looking down at him, "What are you all doing here...?"

Alphonse's face flooded with relief and he sat back, the coat sitting on his shoulders shifting slightly as he did so, "I was worried brother..."

It was then he realized that he was looking at his younger brother's face. His _face_! Not the mask of the armor that had held his soul for so long. He had succeeded in getting Al's body back. He quickly sat up and smiled, "You're okay... you're back.."

The other gave a small smile of his own, "Yeah, thanks to you..." He looked sad then, "But Ed... your arm and leg are still..."

Edward shook his head, "Don't worry about it Alphonse, I don't need them. You're back and that's all that matters." He looked at his human brother fondly, "I'm glad you're back to being you Al."

There was a small moment of silence as the Elric duo shared a smile before it was broken by an all too familiar voice.

"You _idiots_."

The voice was followed by related sighs of relief and huffs of exasperation.

Ed turned to the surrounding group. He threw a tired smirk at a certain Colonel, "Might be idiots but it worked didn't it?"

Roy sent him a glare, "Oh yeah but at what cost Fullmetal? Last time I checked you still have your automail. What else did you give up to get Alphonse back?"

At that, Alphonse worriedly looked at him, eyes raking over his body to see if anything else was missing.

In that moment, Edward made the decision not to tell them. As he wasn't even sure as to what he gave up anymore what would be the sense in getting them worried if it turned out to be nothing? He put up a front and gave a grin, "Don't worry about me, just the arm and leg was all Truth wanted surprisingly."

Both Roy and Alphonse studied him carefully, as if knowing something was up. Hughes was the one to speak first amidst the silence, "Well if that's it then welcome back you two! Glad you're both alright!"

"We need to get them both checked out at the hospital, just in case," Riza spoke up from the side.

There were murmurs of agreement from the others - aka the rest of Roy's team.

Ed folded his arms, "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No," came the unanimous reply from all those present.

With a grumble he allowed Hughes to help him stand, or at least that's what he told himself, as Riza helped Al to stand, keeping an arm wrapped around his rather frail form. When he was on his feet he stumbled slightly, Hughes immediately noting as such and steadying him.

"Edward," he said warningly.

With a wave the elder Elric brushed off concern, "I'm fine, just tired from the transmutation. It always takes a lot out of me."

Alphonse gazed over at his brother worriedly, easily spotting his lie. Edward was always tired after a hefty transmutation but he was never so exhausted to the point that he physically showed as such. He knew that something was wrong, something was different. He only hoped his brother would tell him what it was before it was too late.

They were taken to be checked out at the hospital with some mild complaints from Ed, which was predictable. Alphonse was declared malnourished but otherwise fine. Edward on the other hand was declared to be developing some kind of illness and completely overworked. There was a glare from all the others present when he had been diagnosed.

Ed had immediately asked them all to leave momentarily so he could speak with the doctor who had diagnosed him. He got right to the point, "What kind of illness am I developing? I was perfectly fine yesterday."

"We believe it's related to your utter exhaustion, you've overworked yourself to the point of sickness Mr. Elric," the doctor said seriously, "I implore you to change some of your habits as well as keep a closer tab on your health. If you should keep this up you might drive yourself to an early grave."

The man's words hit home and he realized that it was absolutely true. But overworking himself wouldn't be the issue. If he had to guess, it'd be whatever he gave up to Truth that was his unbecoming. He tried to ask more when he felt his consciousness leave him suddenly. The world tilted before him and he was just barely aware of the feeling of hitting the ground and maybe a shout of his name and then nothing.

When he opened his eyes he realized he was standing in an all white plane eerily similar to being in the Gate. A dark chuckle came from behind.

**Well hello yet again Edward**, came a voice.

Ed whipped around to come face to face with Truth itself, "What the hell?! What am I doing here again?"

The white being outright laughed, **Because I brought you here**.

He let out a growl, hands tightening into fists, "What do you want?" He was so tired of this creature playing games with him, he had done all he had set out to. He had returned his brother from the Gate and even managed to come out relatively unscathed himself. He was done with dancing around with Truth.

His answer came in the form of a dark chuckle, **To settle our agreement with the transmutation of course**. Truth tilted its head, **Or did you really think I'd let you off easy?**

Edward merely glared, arms crossed. Mentally he had hoped that maybe, just maybe, the nuisance of a being would let him slide but apparently he had no such luck.

**You gave a lot to me to get little Alphonse back,** Truth continued in a taunting fashion,** if only you realized how much.** The figure stood and shook his head,** In any case, I want to make you a deal Edward Elric. You know how I love to make trades and such. I'll let you live like practically nothing happened for awhile and then your payment to me begins. In the end I will claim your life boy, that, in a way, is what you gave up to get your brother back. But, since I'm merciful...**

Ed gave a scoff.

**Since I'm merciful,** it continued, **I'll let you live for a bit and then you will start your payment. In return for this span of time you return payment to me, I'll let you have the last hours of your life without pain.** Truth gave a large grin, **So what do you say Edward Elric? Do we have a deal? If not I could always take back what was mine...**

He gave an exasperated breath, "Why even give me the choice in the matter if you'll just take back Alphonse if I don't? What the hell is your problem?!" His fists were clenched almost painfully hard, his entire body quivering in utter rage at the being before him that seemingly couldn't get enough of playing with his life. There was only one option, he'd have to agree. Alphonse had an entire life ahead of him, there was no way he could even think of taking it from him. "Fine," he muttered, "I'll play your game."

The white being stalked forward, a near manacle grin on its face, **So we have a deal?**

Edward only graced him with a curt nod, jaw tight.

Truth chuckled and turned his back, **As always, a pleasure doing business with you... Edward Elric.**

For the second time that day, Edward found himself returning to consciousness. He rolled his head about with a low groan. He couldn't remember a time, aside from his automail surgery when he had felt so exhausted. His body ached even though he was completely relaxed against what he assumed was a medical bed, his head pounded with a powerful headache and he realized that even thinking was a difficult process. Blearily he opened his eyes, only to meet a familiar golden gaze so similar to his own, "Alphonse?"

Al broke into a small smile, "Hey brother, you're finally awake! We were getting worried again... You're so mean! Making me worry so much..." The smile had turned into a playful looking pout.

Edward gave a small and tired laugh, "Sorry Al, I don't mean to." He looked around the room wearily, eyeing the vast amount of white present disdainfully, "Hospital room?"

"Yeah," the younger replied in a worried tone, "the doctor said you two were discussing your illness and then you just toppled over and passed out. Roy and I were close and heard him call out to you. I got scared seeing you like that, I thought it might've been a side affect of the transmutation or something.."

A spike of guilt and remorse hit Ed like a kick in the gut as he mournfully praised Alphonse's trail of thinking, it _was_ related but he couldn't say as such. He didn't plan to, not unless things got to a point where he couldn't take care of it himself. He hoped it wouldn't get to such a point but he reminded himself that Truth always was tricky to deal with and that he shouldn't underestimate what the white being could to do to him. He shook his head and gave a sigh, "Nah, I'm fine Al. When can we leave?"

"Soon," came a second voice from the doorway, "seeing as you seem to be fine. They'll probably ask you how you are and you'll be on your way. Don't even think about leaving before then Fullmetal."

Ed pouted slightly, "Fine Colonel Bastard, I'll be good. Just tell them to hurry up."

Mentally the dark haired man scrutinized over the lack of a fight from his subordinate carefully, it was highly unusual for there to be so much lack of a fight from the other. His eyes narrowed at the other, "So how are you feeling?"

With a small sigh the elder Elric slumped back onto the bed in evident exhaustion, "Really worn out but otherwise fine. No idea why I passed out like that..."

Alphonse didn't miss the slight amount of hesitation when Ed spoke, he just didn't understand why his brother felt the need to hide how he was feeling to such an extent. "Brother..." he said with a warning tone.

Edward's bright golden eyes darkened slightly, "Drop it Al, I'm fine. Just tired."

Roy observed in silence as Alphonse flinched at his brother's tone and then slumped slightly, obviously upset. He watched his subordinate closely, looking for any sign that something was up but found only the guards that Ed had put up against such a thing. He gave an irritated huff, "You know what? Fine, if you feel like you're so healthy - go! I'll tell the doctors so you can leave."

The surprise on the other's face was unguarded, "What?"

"Go, get out of here before I change my mind," Roy muttered, trudging out of the room.

The blonde alchemist stared after the dark haired Colonel's retreating form, "Wait did I just get permission to break rules?"

Alphonse gave a disapproving glare.

"Well did I," he asked in exasperation, "whatever I'm going to go to the dorm room they gave us... You going to come or will you wait?" Edward slipped off the bed and tugged on his jacket as he spoke.

The younger Elric's tone was clipped, "I'll wait."

With a curious stare, Ed gave a shrug and then left, "See you later then." The atmosphere was uncomfortable, he hated when his brother was angry with him even when he wasn't exactly sure of the cause. He assumed it was because of his want to leave the hospital but it had to be something more. A small part of him wondered if the other had picked out his rather numerous lies but he quickly shook the theory off. While it was entirely possible that Alphonse had seen through his lies it was impossible for the other to know of the reasoning behind his lies. His mood dampened ever more at the thought, he had to keep them safe from the knowledge.

If he was going to make atonement for his choices in life, then he'd be damned before he brought anyone else into it.

* * *

**Okay there we have the first chapter, hope you enjoyed. I won't promise to update soon because I don't know if I'll have a chance to or not. I'll certainly try and get something up for you guys. R&amp;R if you want!**

**~Ghosties**


	2. Talk To Me

**I hope that this story is proving to not be too suckish! I sincerely hope there are some interested readers, if so then I'll be happy!**

**Please enjoy! Be aware of brotherly fluff ahead (not slash).**

**Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.**

* * *

A few days had passed since the transmutation. Alphonse and Edward remained on strained terms. The younger was upset that the other would not confide in him about whatever was bothering him while the older was attempting to figure out the reason behind his brother's unusual silence while at the same time attempting to hide his growing cold like symptoms. It took to the third day before Alphonse said anything to his brother, outside of necessary conversation.

His first words were somewhat dreaded by his brother: "I think I should go back to Resembool."

Ed had dropped the book he had been reading and tripped over is own two feet he whipped around so fast, "W-What?"

Alphonse's face was solemn, "I think I should go home. You've apparently still got things to do and you're not talking to me anyway, so why should I waste more time here while I could be getting something done back home?" He turned away, "Besides you don't have to keep me around anymore anyway, you got my body back so I don't have to bother you anymore."

The words stung, the elder actually flinched slightly at them. Was that it? Did Alphonse think his silence was a way of dismissing him? A well of guilt made his stomach twist into knots, he instantly turned his brother around to face him. "Listen here Alphonse Elric," he said in a serious voice, ignoring the look of surprise on the other's face, "I don't know what you are thinking in that head of yours but if you actually believe that I don't want you around then you're an idiot."

Al looked honestly surprised.

That hurt worse than words ever could. Instinctually Edward brought his brother into an embrace, "Oh you idiot... you actually believed that? You have to know it's not true.. I feel so lucky that you've stuck around as long as you have, little brother. I thought after all our failures that you'd give up on me, but you never did. Even now, even though we've not been talking, you stuck around when you easily could have left whenever you wanted to. I only wonder why."

There was a moment of silence as Alphonse returned the embrace, then spoke quietly, "I was waiting for you to talk to me. To tell me what's going on. You know you don't have to hide things from me.." He pulled back and gave a pointed look, "Like how you're getting sick."

Ed dropped his gaze in shame, he should've known that Al would pick up on it.

"Why do you keep lying to me," he asked in a pleading voice, "I don't like it. It's like something really bad happened and you're trying to cover it up."

He felt physically sick with guilt then, if only the younger knew how close he was to understanding the situation. He covered his mouth as his stomach churned, sincerely hoping he wouldn't get sick. "Al... I.." he couldn't even form a proper sentence.

Alphonse knew that his brother was close to cracking so he kept on, "This all started with the transmutation! What happened in the gate? Truth would never let us off easy, what did you give up to get me back brother?!" He was half yelling then, his pent up confusion and aggravation taking ahold of his emotions. He watched in concern as Ed behaved stranger and stranger, "Ed..?" All of sudden the other shot past him towards the kitchenette, throwing up violently into the sink.

The worry that had made a home in his gut only intensified as he entered after his sickened brother, he grabbed some paper towels and pulled his brother's braid back behind him. He observed the other in silence, finally noticing some extreme and startling differences. It had only been a few days since the transmutation but Edward looked downright haggard in appearance. Dark circles were beneath his eyes, his skin was pale, eyes slightly fogged. There was no questioning it, Ed was sick. "When's the last time you slept brother," he asked firmly.

Edward didn't answer immediately, instead he wiped his face with the offered paper towels and threw them away, rinsing out the sink. "I haven't slept since the transmutation, unless you consider my passing out a form of sleep," he admitted weakly.

"Ed," Alphonse exclaimed, "no wonder you're getting sicker! The doctor told you to take it easy and get rest! You have to sleep. Maybe I can have Havoc or someone get medicine for you..."

"Don't bother them Al," he said with a shake of his head, "they're busy, they don't need us bothering them for something so stupid." He went to continue but stopped when he was met with a sharp glare from his younger brother.

With a small scoff Alphonse left the kitchen, "Fine but I'm not leaving you without medicine. First thing's first, I need to take your temperature."

Ed groaned and he leaned against the counter, still feeling a bit queasy. He hadn't meant to allow his fatigue to grow into an outright bout of sickness but yet there he stood. He had felt the symptoms building in the background, but he had ignored them. He didn't even notice Al's return, not until there was a cool hand on his flesh arm.

Al was gazing at him sympathetically and held out the thermometer.

With a weak glare and sigh of defeat, Ed popped it into his mouth and waited the few seconds it took for the thing to get a reading. He rolled his tongue distastefully once it was out and glanced to his younger brother absently.

"102.8," Alphonse declared with a disappointed scowl. He tossed the small device onto the countertop carelessly and gave a small huff, "Well... guess I can't go back until I take care of my idiot brother."

Edward sent him a small and relieved smile, "Sorry Al, I'm spoiling your plans.. again." The sudden hit on the back of his head was completely unexpected, "Ow! Alphonse..what?"

"Stop being so stupid," the younger ground out before taking a deep breath and smiling, "I'm just...glad we're talking again. Don't hide things from me, okay?"

He hesitated but nodded, "Okay.."

Alphonse glared at him for a bit before accepting it, "Alright." He softened then, "Now let's get you healthy again."

The elder allowed his little brother to lead him to the nearby couch where he all but collapsed. As he lay there, waiting for the other to fetch him a blanket, he came to a decision. When Al returned, he caught his arm. "Al," he whispered out, "go into the bedroom and grab my little back travel book for me." He got a surprised and curious look but he knew it would be worth it.

Al returned and handed it to him, watching him with a guarded expression.

Ed opened it and pulled out a hidden piece of paper that contained the code to his encoded travel notes and journal. With a small sigh he pushed it into his brother's hands. He ignored the disbelief on his little brother's face and told him seriously, "You deserve to know what was going through my head all that time... Even though some of it I'm not proud of.. you still need to know. Take care of it for me."

The younger Elric sat in utter shock, cradling the book in his hands delicately. "Brother..." he whispered, "you..."

"It's yours now Alphonse," he replied firmly. He let his hands drop as he curled into the warmth the blanket provided. In seconds, he was falling asleep.

In his wake, he left his little brother reeling.

"What's gotten into you, Ed?"

* * *

**Short chapter after long hiatus is short. Sorry. A lot of things happened in a very short amount of time. I hit writer's block and fell into a mild depression. Just now getting out of it. I wanted to get something up however. Will try and update quicker this time.**

**~Ghosties**


	3. Confrontation

**I am trying to keep up on updates. Apologies. Pardon the language in this chapter!**

**Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.**

* * *

The light from the sun was what woke him. Edward pried his eyes open and looked around blearily. His vision faded in and out; whether from wakefulness, fatigue or sickness he didn't know. He noted that his forehead was sweaty, a cloth of some kind dropped from it as he pushed himself into a semi-sitting position. It took him ten seconds too long to process as such.

"Ed?!"

He turned his head in surprise towards the voice to find a disbelieving Alphonse.

The younger quickly crossed the room to his side, "You're awake! I can't believe it..." His hands hovered, not quite touching him. He smiled after a moment, "It's good to see you awake finally."

_Finally_. How long had he been out?

Al studied him and then seemed to realize the question on his mind, "It's been a rough time, you were out a straight week."

Edward gaped at his brother, mouth falling open just so. A week - 168 hours that he had lost. Seven days of his life that he had slept through. He felt sickened with himself, what a disgrace.

"Stop that."

He blinked and met that familiar amber gold gaze. "Stop what," he croaked.

A glare, "Stop blaming yourself and doing that stupid self hatred routine. You can't help it that your body got sick and needed the rest." Alphonse gave a heavy sigh, running a hand through his just slightly longer hair. "At least you should be a lot better now," he relented, "the doctor that came suspected it was just your body shutting down enough to get the proper rest it needed. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," he replied as smoothly as he could, "just a bit groggy."

"Well, well, look who finally decided to wake up," another voice spoke from the doorway.

Both brothers turned to find none other than Mustang standing there leaning in the doorway with crossed arms.

Edward gave a light scowl, "What are _you_ doing here?"

The dark haired man quirked a brow, "I live here."

The Elder Elric started at that and immediately studied his surroundings more. Sure enough, he recognized nothing. It was much too nice to be the military dorms. His scowl intensified, "Why the hell am I here?"

"Because those dorms were doing nothing for your weakened state, Fullmetal," Roy answered, "you were already pretty sick and those dilapidated dorms only made you worse so I helped Alphonse get you here. It worked pretty well though, apparently those dorms were worse for you than I thought. The doctor expected you to be out another two days or so."

Edward huffed and moved to stand, the blanket falling from him as he did.

The Colonel rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Shut up," he grit out as he stood, amazed at how incredibly sore his back was. Straightening all the way was a chore, one he accomplished slowly. He sent a smug smirk towards Roy who was looking at him plainly, clearly unimpressed.

"Alright, now try walking Fullmetal," he challenged.

The younger male narrowed his eyes at the challenge and with only a moment's hesitation, took a confident step forward. All seemed well until his knees buckled and he fell forward. A short cry escaped him and then strong arms caught him.

"See," the deep voice chastised, "told you it wasn't a good idea." Roy helped him back onto the couch and made sure he was steady before letting go. "So how are you _really_ feeling," he asked with a slight glare.

Alphonse sat nearby with crossed arms.

Ed felt cornered and he really hated the feeling. "I'm _fine_," he growled, "what will it take for you two to see that?"

His little brother's eyes flashed with hurt and guilt hit him.

Why was it everything he did hurt his brother? Had it been that he just hadn't seen it before? What with Alphonse's armored form shielding his emotions, was it that he had always been doing this but never noticed? What kind of older brother was he? He needed to get away from them both for a bit, he decided. He needed to think.

Edward grit his teeth and stood again, stumbling forward.

"Whoa Ed," Al exclaimed in a worried manner, "where are you going?"

"Out," he breathed as he worked towards the doorway, "I need to think.. I need time away."

Mustang stood from his crouched position and glowered at him, "You're not going anywhere in your condition Fullmetal. You just woke up for God's sake!"

He paused and turned to them with an angry expression, "Will you two cut it out?! I'm a grown ass adult! I know what I can and can't do! Leave me the hell alone!"

"Then stop acting like a child," Roy shouted back, "if you can take care of yourself, then why the hell did you end up in a coma-like state for a week?! Do you know how worried your brother was?! You keep this up and you'll get yourself killed!"

"Stop it," Alphonse cried, stepping between them, "this isn't helping anything!"

Edward glared at the Colonel, "I _can_ take care of myself, mind your own damn business!"

"Brother-"

"You became my business when you joined the military under me you idiot," Roy said in exasperation.

"Guys please..."

The older blonde's eyes were furious, "I never asked to be your damn lapdog, asshole."

"Ed!"

The Colonel had a look of distaste on his face, "You should've known what you were getting into, another example of your childish nature!"

"Colonel!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALPHONSE!"

Silence enveloped the room.

Alphonse's raised hands dropped in disbelief. A deep strike of hurt went through him as he realized the hate filled gaze that he usually saw directed at their enemies was pointed in his direction. "B-Brother..."

"Just... leave me alone," he muttered, turning away. He quickly retreated from the room, his walking unstable at best. He stumbled from the house, grief taking his features. He didn't even bother shutting the front door of Mustang's house all the way, he just had to get away. He was dizzy and exhausted but he pushed forward, desperate to escape the catastrophe he had left behind.

The sky was clouded over. The once sunny day now dark and dreary.

Edward pushed on, not knowing his destination. He tried to forget the harsh words he had said out of anger. He tried to forget the look of anger on Mustang's face. He tried to forget the look of utter hurt and betrayal on Alphonse's face. He _tried_... He tried and failed. His back ached, his head was spinning, his vision blurring.

Finally everything climaxed and he collapsed in a side alleyway. He attempted to gather himself and he failed. It seemed that was all he could do anymore. Fail and fail, again and again. Not so long before he had been strong and determined, as he sat there in his misery, he couldn't help but wonder where that had gone. He was weak and nothing but a burden for his brother.

Ed pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face in his folded arms. Had he ever been something good or useful for his brother? Every instance he could think of was overshadowed by the trouble that had usually followed. He had been the one to convince Al to do the human transmutation, he had convinced him to burn their house down and go on some journey to find a myth. He had drug Alphonse everywhere, not having given him another option. All because of that damned transmutation that started it all.

Tears began stinging at his eyes, much to his horror. "I'm sorry Al," he whispered, "I'm... so useless."

He wasn't sure how long he was there, just sitting and hating himself. Alphonse was better off in Resembool. Winry and Granny Pinako were no doubt awaiting their return. But, he wondered, would they be happy if only Al were to show? He wanted to stay in Central... just in case his payment to Truth began sooner than he thought it might. If he needed doctors, he didn't want to be all the way out in Resembool.

Was that his excuse then? If possible, he sunk further into himself. Desperately he wished to disappear. Wouldn't things just be better off without him? The only answer his mind gave was yes.

"Edward?"

The blonde stiffened slightly before nervously peering over to see who had called him. There, at the opening of the alleyway he had collapsed in, stood none other than Maes Hughes. He relaxed just so, "Oh.. hey Hughes."

Hughes set down his bag of groceries and approached the other with a concerned gaze, "You alright? I didn't even know you had woken up."

Ed averted his gaze and shrugged in a passive manner.

The older man frowned at the response, "What's wrong Ed?"

He remained quiet, shying away from the hand that landed on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He didn't deserve comfort. He was a terrible person. He should just be left to his misery.

Maes studied him wordlessly for a few moments before giving a reluctant sigh and sitting beside him. "Look," he began, "whatever you did wrong, I'm sure Alphonse will forgive you. Roy too. Neither one of them are ones to hold grudges against those they hold dear to them."

Vaguely, the elder Elric wondered how the man always seemed to know the situation at hand without knowing anything. "I don't even know why Alphonse still puts up with me," he muttered, "I'm nothing to him, but trouble."

He received a chuckle in response, "And the fact that you're his older brother doesn't come into the equation at all? You're the only family he has left."

"Not true," he retorted tiredly, "he has Winry and Granny too. I'm second rate to them."

A moment of silence passed between the two.

Hughes finally spoke again, "You know, throughout your whole journey, I've never once seen a shred of evidence that said Al didn't love you dearly, Edward. He looks up to you, sees you as a role model. He'd follow you through hell and back if you asked him to."

Edward felt that strong sense of bitterness rise up within him again, "And what kind of role model am I? I lead him into danger constantly, I convinced him to help me chase a myth for years, I even talked him into doing an alchemic taboo that led to him being changed forever." He sent a heated glare towards the man beside him, "I'm the worst person in the world for him to look up to, I can't do a damn thing right."

The other looked at him levelly, "And yet you risked everything to get him back, did you not?"

He was silenced by the response.

"We still don't know what all you had to give up to get him back," Hughes murmured, "does that not count for anything? You would've sacrificed your entire being if it meant getting him back to normal. Don't give me that look; I can tell."

The blonde looked away, "Doesn't make up for all the shit I put him through in the past."

Maes laughed at that, "Well no, but you can't expect it to either. You've still got a lot to make up to him. But you sitting here and sulking over something you may have said, isn't getting you any closer to making it up to Alphonse. If I know him, he probably said some things he regrets too. We're human, Ed, we make mistakes." He smiled lightly, "Yet, being human means we have a chance to correct our mistakes, we just have to take the opportunity while it presents itself."

Ed mulled it over. His insecurities made themselves known, blatantly sitting in the forefront of his mind. "What if he hates me," he whispered, "what if he never wants to see me again?"

"Then at least you'll know," Hughes answered immediately, "and you can stop worrying about it and instead focus on what you can do to try and correct your wrongs." He paused before standing up, "Besides, I don't think Alphonse is capable of hating you. He hasn't started yet, so why would he now?"

Edward gave a weary sigh, "I've messed up a lot recently, I'm surprised he is even talking to me still."

Maes quirked a brow with a smirk, "Just proves my point, Ed." His face straightened into a more serious expressions, "Now, I'll ask again, are you alright?"

"Of course he's not," came a gruff voice from the alleyway entrance.

The two turned to find a disgruntled Roy Mustang, standing with crossed arms.

Alphonse came up beside him shortly afterwards, looking very frazzled. He gaped at the sight that met him, "Brother!" The younger blonde rushed forward and seized his sibling in an embrace, "I'm sorry! I should've been nicer since you just woke up but you were acting weird and it was scaring me! I'm sorry brother..."

Ed felt his guilt increase ever more as he slouched into the embrace, "No.. I'm the one that's sorry Al... this is all my fault."

Hughes and Roy watched from a distance, the latter giving a long sigh. "They're both such idiots," he muttered. Maes merely nodded with a fond smile.

"Hey Al...?"

"Yeah?"

He averted his gaze, "Let's... let's go back, I don't feel well..."

The younger of the two observed him wordlessly before giving a nod, "Okay.. come on, brother." He stood up expectantly but noticed his brother having trouble getting to his feet. Alphonse didn't hesitate in lending a hand. He found himself unexpectedly helping the other walk but he said nothing. He knew better than that.

Both Elrics remained silent as they made their way to Mustang's car. Al helped his sibling in, tossing the Colonel an anxious look.

"I suppose that's my cue," the dark haired man muttered, "see you around, Hughes."

"Roy," he called suddenly.

He paused and turned back towards his long time friend.

Maes appeared very troubled, "Keep an eye on him, there's something he isn't telling us. Something I'm not sure he will even tell us, but just keep tabs on Edward for me."

Mustang nodded in response and got into his vehicle. As he drove away, it began to rain. Fat raindrops splashed onto his windshield. He scowled in distaste as he let his mind wander a bit.

Just what was it that Hughes had picked up on? Questions burned in the forefront on his mind as he glanced at the exhausted blonde in the back seat. _Just what are you hiding, Fullmetal?_

* * *

**Sorry that took so long - I got consumed by other things! Hopefully it was worth the wait! R&amp;R to tell me your thoughts, if you want! :)**

**~Ghosties**


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